Re: Where *IS* Tom?

On 2005-12-10, tomstdenis@xxxxxxxxx <tomstdenis@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>
> Me stopping people from "becoming adept at the craft" would mean I was
> stopping them from studying it.
>
Indirectly. Tom, I'm reading this thread and I recognize myself few years
back in your posts. Replying with insults to insults (e.g. the quote where you
called someone a "troll", I'll take your word that he was the first one to
begin), sharp, brittle and unfriendly comments (because I didn't want to waste
words and time replying, I understand that..), etc.

And when someone new in the field, trying to learn something gets such
comments from an expert, (s)he will probably give up thinking that (s)he
is too stupid to be doing crypto after all. I understand, you don't want
to baby-sit people through their process of learning (that's OK). If
they give up on learning because of hostile comments from some individual
(you) instead of asking other people, they probably aren't that much
interested so..

Few months back I've read some of my 3-4 yr old posts in google news, and I
felt.. ashamed that I had written such posts. I was offensive and I was trying
to prove my point by unneccessary insulting people when I had perfectly
good technical arguments.

I see it as a matter of psychology. People like to be tended and they like
to get "bad news" gently. I admit that I can't understand this need. Currently
I'm in a kind of teaching position. I'm working with students. Crypto is
just one of my fields of interested for which unfortunately I don't have time
so I just lurk around here and follow up on the developments in the crypto
community.

Now, I still have the same opinions as few years back, I still don't (and don't
want to!) hold students by the hand and guide them, provide motivation for
them (if THEY THEMSELVES don't know WHY are they at the university and have
problem motivating themselves, they have larger problems in life..), i'm
still pretty unfriendly and politically incorrect IRL, even more on the
internet, but.. people now find me a bit less "unfriendly" now than few
years before..

So how do I manage to be unfriendly and still be relatively acceptable to
other people? By consciously avoiding words that cause emotions. Eg. if someone
presents me with a really stupid idea, I refrain from replying "It's stupid",
but reply with "It's a bad idea" instead, even though I actually think that
it's stupid :)

"Stupid" (and many other words) are taken personally by most people and they
get offended. They give rise to negative emotions towards the speaker and
most people stop listening when they hear something like "stupid". No, I
don't say to the other person "YOU are stupid" but I say the "IDEA is stupid"
and somehow the other fails to perceive difference.

I never, ever, take words such as "stupid", "idiotic", etc. personally, even
when they are directed towards me and not my work. And it took me a looong
time (and help of some good friends) to realize that I'm unlike the vast
majority of people who DO take such words personally even when NOT directed
towards them.

You have yourself admitted that you have an attitude problem. I have attempted
to show you a part of your problem, the one in which I recognized myself..
But it is YOU and ONLY YOU who can change your own behaviour. And the first
step is wanting to change.

This was already a long post and a coffee is getting cold.. :)
.

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