Re: Fiction writer needs expert crypt insight

From: Bryan Olson (fakeaddress_at_nowhere.org)
Date: 05/08/04 

Date: Sat, 08 May 2004 10:08:11 GMT

Joe Peschel wrote:
> Bryan Olson wrote:
>>Joe Peschel wrote:
>>>They are not my rules. Guys like Doug Gwyn and Mark Wooding have
>>>made up their own rules. I have not.
>>
>>Shakespeare did.
>
> Shakespeare was writing, for the most part, poetry. Which rules for
writing
> prose do you think Will made-up? Were Doug and Mark writing Elizabethan
> blank verse? I know... I'll bet those two are the true authors of the
> Shakespearean corpus. :-)

Theory follows practice in poetry and prose alike. I could have
used Chaucer, Cervantes, Hemingway... Authors write for
readers, then linguists look for the rules. If one's writing
reads well, then all else is forgiven (if even noticed).

[...]
> I wrote:
>
> The person might punctuate English correctly like
> Joe Peschel. Joe puts a Morse code inside his messages.
> Correct punctuation is a "slash;" incorrect punctuation
> a "dot." His correspondents know Joe is careful about
> punctuation matters, so they are curious about the errors.
> Finally, they see the pattern. The eavesdroppers are like
> MKS: clueless.
>
> Bryan, I write, edit and teach for a living. There's nothing
> awkward about my paragraph. I punctuated it correctly and
> eliminated unneeded words.
>
> Why do you think the paragraph awkward?

I meant what I said before about generally respecting you. The
punctuation flames were not your finest hour. I had to re-read
your correction before I realized what's really so bad about it.
Since you asked, and you no-doubt know how I am about pushing my
points...

First and foremost, you botched the story. Joe, in your
version, why is it *you*, rather than the person held hostage,
who sends messages in Morse code?

Compare your corrected version, above, to Jussi's original:

     The person might be a perfectionist of english punctuation
     (like Joe Peschel;-). He forms a Morse code inside his
     messages making punctuation errors. He uses correct
     punctuation as a "slash" and incorrect punctuation as a
     "dot". The receivers of the email messages know that he is a
     purist in punctuation, so they start to wonder about the
     errors so unlikely to him and finally see the pattern? Those
     keeping him on eye are like MKS so they don't have a clue;-)

Joe, Jussi noted you as "a perfectionist of english
punctuation". Quite flattering really, but just a side remark
in the context of the story.

The re-write is quite something. "I punctuated it correctly and
eliminated unneeded words", doesn't really cover it. Making
one's self the main character is more than most who "write, edit
and teach for a living" commonly do to a story.

It's a matter of punctuation.

In Jussi's first sentence, "Joe Peschel" is within a
parenthetical aside (amusingly terminated by an emoticon :).
When the second sentence begins with the pronoun "He", the only
plausible antecedent is "The person". Competent readers of
English make the correct association without conscious
consideration. Remove the parenthesis, and the antecedent of
"He" is arguably ambiguous. Perhaps Joe will tell us the chain
of events and thinking that led to his re-write.

Incidentally, on less significant matters, the semicolon inside
the quotes is awkward. A comma, inside or outside the quotes,
would read much better (and be at least as correct, since the
following clause has no verb). For that matter, Jussi's choice
of using the quotes alone reads well. The final "like MKS:
clueless.", does not flow. The punctuation may be justified on
technically grounds, but it draws attention to itself and
imposes an awkward pause in the finishing rhythm. And as long as
we're making corrections, it's "Morse code" not "a Morse code". 

-- 
--Bryan

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