Re: this is THE joke of the year!!!

From: xaR (thexar@info.der-keiler.de)
Date: 12/16/01


From: "xaR" <thexar at __removethis__ bigfoot dot com>
Date: Sat, 15 Dec 2001 15:43:18 -0800

nice article to conclude the year with
definitely one of the funniest articles i have read :>

"DuhVille" <duhville@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:9vb5th$99p$1@newsie.singa.pore.net...
> hello
> i came across this post and oh mi god it is too funnie...
>
> http://www.adequacy.org/?op=displaystory;sid=2001/12/2/42056/2147
>
> Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?
> By T Reginald Gibbons
> Posted on Sun Dec 2nd, 2001 at 11:00:21 AM PST
>
>
>
>
> As an enlightened, modern parent, I try to be as involved as
possible
> in the lives of my six children. I encourage them to join team sports. I
> attend their teen parties with them to ensure no drinking or alcohol is on
> the premises. I keep a fatherly eye on the CDs they listen to and the
shows
> they watch, the company they keep and the books they read. You could say
I'm
> a model parent. My children have never failed to make me proud, and I can
> say without the slightest embellishment that I have the finest family in
the
> USA.
> Two years ago, my wife Carol and I decided that our children's
> education would not be complete without some grounding in modern
computers.
> To this end, we bought our children a brand new Compaq to learn with. The
> kids had a lot of fun using the handful of application programs we'd
bought,
> such as Adobe's Photoshop and Microsoft's Word, and my wife and I were
> pleased that our gift was received so well. Our son Peter was most
entranced
> by the device, and became quite a pro at surfing the net. When Peter began
> to spend whole days on the machine, I became concerned, but Carol advised
me
> to calm down, and that it was only a passing phase. I was content to bow
to
> her experience as a mother, until our youngest daughter, Cindy, charged
into
> the living room one night to blurt out: "Peter is a computer hacker!"
>
>
>
>
>
> As you can imagine, I was amazed. A computer hacker in my own house!
I
> began to monitor my son's habits, to make certain that Cindy wasn't just
> telling stories, as she is prone to doing at times.
>
> After a few days of investigation, and some research into computer
> hacking, I confronted Peter with the evidence. I'm afraid to say, this was
> the only time I have ever been truly disappointed in one of my children.
We
> raised them to be honest and to have integrity, and Peter betrayed the
> principles we tried to encourage in him, when he refused point blank to
> admit to his activities. His denials continued for hours, and in the end,
I
> was left with no choice but to ban him from using the computer until he is
> old enough to be responsible for his actions.
>
> After going through this ordeal with my own family, I was left
> pondering how I could best help others in similar situations. I'd gained a
> lot of knowledge over those few days regarding hackers. It's only right
that
> I provide that information to other parents, in the hope that they will be
> able to tell if their children are being drawn into the world of hacking.
> Perhaps other parents will be able to steer their sons back onto the
> straight and narrow before extreme measures need to be employed.
>
> To this end, I have decided to publish the top ten signs that your
son
> is a hacker. I advise any parents to read this list carefully and if their
> son matches the profile, they should take action. A smart parent will
first
> try to reason with their son, before resorting to groundings, or even
> spanking. I pride myself that I have never had to spank a child, and I
hope
> this guide will help other parents to put a halt to their son's
misbehaviour
> before a spanking becomes necessary.
>
> 1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?
>
> Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service
> Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict "No Hacking" policy,
> and take careful measures to ensure that your internet experience is
> enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a
> hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more
hacker
> friendly provider.
>
> I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the
reasons
> your son is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL's
> child safety filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants his son
to
> enjoy the internet without the endangering him through exposure to "adult"
> content. It is best to stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than
> using a home-based solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be
> able to circumvent any home-based measures with surprising ease, using
> information gleaned from various hacker sites.
>
> 2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember
> installing?
>
> Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may
> attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can
> usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under
> "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software
> includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".
>
> The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force
> him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the
> software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if
your
> machine offers to "download" one of the hacker applications. If this
> happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly
> consider punishing him with a grounding.
>
> 3. Has your child asked for new hardware?
>
> Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer
hardware.
> They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even
more
> memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that
he
> has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal,
> trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's
> manufacturer.
>
> If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called
> "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company
> who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They
use
> child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they
> deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers,
> such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores,
> and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet
> sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your
> son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.
>
> 4. Does your child read hacking manuals?
>
> If you pay close attention to your son's reading habits, as I do,
you
> will be able to determine a great deal about his opinions and hobbies.
> Children are at their most impressionable in the teenage years. Any father
> who has had a seventeen year old daughter attempt to sneak out on a date
> wearing make up and perfume is well aware of the effect that improper
> influences can have on inexperienced minds.
>
> There are, unfortunately, many hacking manuals available in
bookshops
> today. A few titles to be on the lookout for are: "Snow Crash" and
> "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; "Neuromancer" by William Gibson;
> "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; "Geeks" by Jon Katz; "The
> Hacker Crackdown" by Bruce Sterling; "Microserfs" by Douglas Coupland;
> "Hackers" by Steven Levy; and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S.
> Raymond.
>
> If you find any of these hacking manuals in your child's possession,
> confiscate them immediately. You should also petition local booksellers to
> remove these titles from their shelves. You may meet with some resistance
at
> first, but even booksellers have to bow to community pressure.
>
> 5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?
>
> If your son spends more than thirty minutes each day on the
computer,
> he may be using it to DOS other peoples sites. DOSing involves gaining
> access to the "command prompt" on other people's machines, and using it to
> tie up vital internet services. This can take up to eight hours. If your
son
> is doing this, he is breaking the law, and you should stop him
immediately.
> The safest policy is to limit your children's access to the computer to a
> maximum of forty-five minutes each day.
>
> 6. Does your son use Quake?
>
> Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular
> meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in
> the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies
due
> to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at
home
> and at school.
>
> If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that
this
> is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house
> are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should
also
> bring your concerns to the attention of his school.
>
> 7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social
> behaviour?
>
> As a child enters the electronic world of hacking, he may become
> disaffected with the real world. He may lose the ability to control his
> actions, or judge the rightness or wrongness of a course of behaviour.
This
> will manifest itself soonest in the way he treats others. Those whom he
> disagrees with will be met with scorn, bitterness, and even foul language.
> He may utter threats of violence of a real or electronic nature.
>
> Even when confronted, your son will probably find it difficult to
talk
> about this problem to you. He will probably claim that there is no
problem,
> and that you are imagining things. He may tell you that it is you who has
> the problem, and you should "back off" and "stop smothering him." Do not
> allow yourself to be deceived. You are the only chance your son has, even
if
> he doesn't understand the situation he is in. Keep trying to get through
to
> him, no matter how much he retreats into himself.
>
> 8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?
>
> BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal
hacker
> operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos
> Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a
program
> called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government.
These
> programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems
> to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's
> stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a
> notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as
> "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet
> without using a telephone.
>
> Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is
> careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious
> beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and
> even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have
> to have your computer repaired by a professional.
>
> If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after
you
> turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of
> it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have
> them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and
cannot
> be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.
>
> 9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?
>
> If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you
> may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo
> colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair
dyed
> in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying
> "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea
> why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your
son
> may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's
group
> of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a
> severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.
>
> 10. Is your son struggling academically?
>
> If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on
> sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous
> "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer,
> communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the
eyes
> and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks
to
> slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and
> Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause
> schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the
> reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start
> gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health,
you
> must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.
>
> I encourage all parents to read through this guide carefully. Your
> child's future may depend upon it. Hacking is an illegal and dangerous
> activity, that may land your child in prison, and tear your family apart.
It
> cannot be taken too seriously.
>
>
>
>
> --
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

--
> ---------------------------------------------------
> "From an ocean liner
> to a chinese junk
> there is nuthing out there
> that can't be sunk"
>
> Rudi Irawan Seah
> a T.R.Y.I.N.G 2b N Engineer
>
>
>
>
>